Guest Post: Good Girls Don’t Write About Decapitations
Lisa Huberman is the author of the horror play Heart/Succor, which premiered at Fresh Blood in July 2012. Her monologue Easy Breezy Blood-Sucking was performed at Bloody Gore-geous Monologues in February 2013. -KP
The scariest movie I ever saw as a kid was The Little Mermaid.
That’s weird, right? For most people it’s something like It or Halloween or the wood-chipper scene from Fargo. Straight-up horror never really appealed to me— I guess I’ve always liked being different.
As a plucky redhead with ambitions of being a singer, it’s not hard to see why I identified with the fiery, headstrong Ariel. Just like Ariel felt out of place in her undersea world, I felt out of place in suburban Ohio. Plus she had an irrational attachment to her collection of useless shit—a legacy that I carry on to this day, much to my dad’s chagrin.
Looking back to the film there’s lot that’s cringe-worthy. Take awkward 90s-era racism with the red-lipped “blackfish” in the “Under the Sea” sequence. Then there’s the regressive gender politics. Unlike the sensible, level-headed Belle and the cool, acerbic Jasmine of later Disney films, who keep their romantic counterparts at bay with their wits, Ariel is kind of the worst romantic role model ever. Girlfriend is so boy-crazy she puts herself and her entire marine kingdom in jeopardy for the self-centered pursuit of a dude with whom she has literally never had a conversation.
|Ariel refuses to take “He’s just not that into fish,” for an answer.|
But while the film is not perfect, for me it’s also extremely primal.
Despite the rousing, reggae numbers, the Kingdom of Triton is an extremely dangerous one.
Not only does King Triton face constant threats to the peace from below the sea in Ursula the sea witch (whose death scene I’ve commented on previously
), but also from the human world above.
When arguing with Ariel about whether she should be allowed to go to above the surface, Triton cries something to the affect of, “Do you think I want my daughter snared in some fisherman’s hook?”
Their whole conflict is meant to be metaphorical— in Ariel, we’re supposed to see the typical teenage girl struggling with her father about questions of prejudice and parental control. But for some reason, at six or seven, this image gripped me. And while the film itself never put Ariel in any real danger, Sebastian spends an entire song fleeing the knife of a French chef, and misses being devoured by Prince Eric’s manservant by a heartbeat. The idea that in another version of the story, Ariel— who I had come to know, love and— could be captured by a fisherman and gutted and devoured like just another fish fascinated terrified, and disturbed me.
And in my idle hours, I started imagining those possibilities— poor Ariel dangling in a net, Ariel being auctioned off in the fish market, Ariel trapped in some crate in the chef’s kitchen, watching the knifes being sharpened, the smells of a marinade wafting through her nostrils. What would be going through her mind, I wondered— how she might try to reason with her captors?
The scenes would rarely move beyond that point—I’ve never been much for blood, guts, or gore. It was the trapped feeling that interested me. That moment when the protagonist realizes she has gone too far in her ambitions, strayed from the path, and passed the point of no return. Nowadays, we’re told by our parents and self-help books that we can learn from our failings— in high school I once saw a poster that said “It’s okay to make mistakes: that’s why pencils have erasers.” We want to believe it, but we’ve been hard-wired for millennia with cautionary tales about the perils of curiosity, from the Biblical Eve biting an apple and being cast out of Eden, to Pandora opening a box and letting terror into the world, to Persephone eating the food of the dead and being condemned to spend half the year in the Underworld, to Little Red Riding Hood revealing her destination to the stranger that devours her grandmother. Towards the end of “The Little Mermaid,” King Triton takes Ariel’s place in the Faustian bargain with Ursula and our heroine is forced to watch her father transform into one the shriveled, krill-like creatures doomed to spend his life at the bottom of the sea witch’s lair because of her own impulsive actions. Prince Eric comes to her rescue in the end (again, regressive gender politics), but the threat feels real nonetheless: one false move and you’ll go too far, upset the balance of the universe, and the world— or at least your world— will never be the same.
|“You can kill me, but you’ll never kill The Patriarchy!”|
The battle here is not so much between a physical life and death of the body, but innocence and survival. It’s the Donner party question: do you let yourself die of starvation in the wilderness or do you make a meal of your comrades’ corpses for the possibility of another day?
For most of my life these thoughts stayed mostly in my own head. In seventh grade I stopped sharing my genre stories after my parents became disturbed when they read a story I wrote called “Dream No Evil.” For my parents, the mind that created these stories didn’t square with the sweet little girl who played softball and wrote editorials in the school paper about having too much homework. Like King Triton, my parents didn’t want to think of me at such a young age being caught up in the fisherman’s net of fear and depression. So for the next decade, I burrowed these images away and reserved my messed-up fantasies to the contents of my mind, gaining occasional relief in the occasional Angela Carter short story or Buffy rerun.
I’ve enjoyed writing for La Petite as an opportunity to explore this emotional space. In last year’s “Fresh Blood” festival, I had short play that featured a new vampire contemplating her first kill as she meets cute with a hipster on the L train. Our heroine must balance her physical need for human blood with her attraction to this boy, who, in another story, in another reality, could be the Harry to her Sally, the Joel to her Clementine. In the original Hans Christian Anderson tale, the prince never does realize the mermaid is the one who saved his life on the beach, and because three days have passed, she will soon die and become sea foam. Her sisters obtain a knife from the sea witch that will allow her to turn back into a mermaid if she kills the prince. So now she has a choice: in addition to letting go of her humanity, in order to survive she must also accept the fact that a happy ending can no longer be part of her story.
Now that’s scary.
Guest Post: The 10 Best Slashers in a Post-Scream World
Tyler Grimes is the author of the horror plays Meat (read at Fresh Blood September 2012) and 5D. This is his first Guest Post for La Petite Blog - hopefully, his first of many. -KP
On December 20, 1996 (when I was a lad of 6 summers) murder occurred in the horror cinema. With the release of Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson’s fast-talking, blood-
spilling, eye-winking, Jamie-Kennedy-featuring Scream
came the unofficial death of the “slasher film.”
Craven, fresh off story credits in a long stint of increasingly absurd and inaccessible Nightmare on Elm Street
sequels found Williamson’s script, which meticulously deconstructed the very genre Craven had made a name for himself in, and it was a match made in the underworld.
It followed high school student and local celebrity Sidney Prescott, as a costumed killer dubbed “Ghostface” begins to butcher his way through the Woodsboro High School yearbook, eventually setting his sights on Sidney. After famously killing off the film’s biggest star in the opening scene, Craven and Williamson let audiences know they were in for something they had never experienced before.
Only we weren’t. The true success of Scream
is that we see nothing we haven’t seen before while seeing everything we’ve never seen before. The film works a lot like a puppet show. You can focus on the marionettes or you can follow the strings and focus on the person manipulating the puppets.
Borrowing from a formula first played around with in
1991’s There’s Nothing Out There
, Williamson’s script poked fun at the tropes that had dominated the slasher genre since it first came into being with Michael Powell’s Peeping Tom
. We have an innocent leading lady (Neve Campbell), an aloof boyfriend (Skeet Ulrich), a cutthroat reporter (the incredible Courtney Cox), bumbling detective (played brilliantly by David Arquette), an iconic killer, a great whodunit mystery, and other stereotypes that dominated the genre since it became mass-produced in the 70’s.
What separates Scream from the rest of the bunch is the character Randy (Jamie Kennedy), a know-it-all movie geek that epitomized 90’s culture. Randy is a big reason this movie works, because as the movie progresses he’s pointing out what would happen “if this were a horror film”. This is also borrowed from There’s Nothing Out There, only done much better here. (Plus, Matthew Lillard in the last 20 minutes of the movie is sensational. Find me a more reckless performance that lands that well this side of a Nic Cage movie and I’ll give you $5!) Randy, and the film’s ability to be self aware, occasionally brings Scream into laugh territory, and to call the movie a horror comedy is not entirely too far off. Scream is steeped in Williamson’s genuine love for slasher films but like the Wizard of Oz, when the curtain is up and the man revealed, it’s hard to ever go back to the way things were. Such was the case with the slasher genre following Scream.
|Randy explains the until-then-unwritten rules of horror cinema.|
How do you make a scary movie when audiences now know all the secrets (Scream pulled in $173 million at the box office)? It was difficult and no slasher film will ever truly stand on its own in the post-Scream era, but this blog post will attempt to highlight 10 of my favorite slasher films to come out of the Hollywood machine since 1996.
This is a list “slasher” films
, so while movies like The Descent, Let the Right One In, The Strangers,
and Cabin in the Woods
are incredible 21st century horror films, they will not be included in this list, as I don’t classify them as “slashers.” For more thoughts on the specifics of what the “slasher” film is, allow me to be the worst student in the world and send you to Wikipedia
which actually has some wonderfully comprehensive thoughts on the subgenre.
Here they are in no particular order:
Let’s start right away with Kevin Williamson’s follow-up to Scream,
a loose adaptation of Lois Duncan’s novel
. There’s no discussion of the rules of horror movies, or winking at the camera here, just teens getting killed for trying to cover up their past sins. Williamson gives us some fun dialogue along with some terrific 90’s casting. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. remind us they will always be the only 90’s couple that mattered (even though they don’t play a couple in this film). Ryan Phillippe is delightfully O.T.T. and Jennifer Love Hewitt is incredibly watchable as the fragile leading lady with great potential to kick ass. The killer has a pretty great look and his use of a meat hook is probably the most inspired part of the film. There is also a great kill involving Johnny Galecki (an early suspect) trying to be a tough guy before getting the first hook of the film right to the neck. Its sequel I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
is iconic in its own right for its hilariously bad title, script, use of Freddie Prinze Jr., and costume department (Jack Black in dreads? Hysterical). Avoid I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
at all costs.
One of the best slasher films in the post-Scream
era is its first sequel, Scream 2
. Despite a pretty mundane final showdown (which, given what the film says about sequels, perhaps this was intentional), Scream 2
does a lovely job of furthering Sidney Prescott’s story. Now at college, Sidney has moved on from the Woodsboro Massacre enough to have a new boyfriend (goofy Jerry O’Connell), and has begun to study acting. Randy goes to the same college as Sidney and still pines for her from afar. There is a great scene in Randy’s film class where Joshua Jackson, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and others discus how sequels are, by definition, inferior to the original. The scene dares audiences to think less of this movie, but as the movie progresses this becomes increasingly difficult. There is a great kill involving Sarah Michelle Gellar, as well as the most tragic/epic moment of the series involving Randy and a van and a Ghostface and a knife. Arquette and Cox are the true stars of this movie though as their chemistry basically carries the second act of the script on its back. Somehow, Williamson managed to show us that no matter how high you lift the curtain, there are always new secrets to discover.
Of the films on this list this might be the best, as I believe it does the most inspired job of playing with the “slasher” genre. A terrific teen cast with shout-outs to past slasher film icons (Robert Englund, Danielle Harris, and Brad Dourif), an icon killer, great mythology, and easily the most awesome
whodunit in a horror movie of the last 20 years, Urban Legend
is an incredibly fun time. Alicia Witt (who, based on extensive research involving no substantial evidence, went missing before resurfacing for seasons 4 and 5 of Friday Night Lights
) is a student at Pendleton University (aka generic-ville USA) where she has the snarkiest friends that side of the millennium. Charlie Conway, I mean Pacey Witter, I mean Joshua Jackson is the blonde frat boy douche bag we were told only existed in the 90’s. Michael Rosenbaum has hair and isn’t trying to find kryptonite in this movie, while Tara Reid and Jared Leto provide all the sex appeal 90’s wardrobes allowed. The real standout is Rebecca Gayheart whose hair is unrivaled and whose eyes rival the fabled deadlights of Stephen King lore. We follow Alicia Witt as various students at the university are killed in the style of the urban legends we all grow up with. The kills are suspenseful, despite one chase scene involving Tara Reid that drags on for what seems like hours. What makes this movie work so well is the whodunit reveal. The red herrings placed throughout are thoroughly convincing, but when the audience finds out that they are wrong, the truth is so much more satisfying than anything we could have hoped for. Anthony Anderson dies in the first sequel and Kate “I’m Jealous of My Sister’s Success” Mara stars in the second sequel (which is surprisingly decent, though it’s not really a “slasher” film).
Sometimes, 3D works best when it’s solely a gimmick. This remake is non-stop, nonsensical, fun where every moment caters to the audience and horror fans. A big part of me loves that this kind of movie can get a wide release and make as much money as this movie made. Pick-axes “fly” out of the screen, and blood “splatters” on audience members. It’s a perfect throwback to what I’m told cinema was like in the 50’s and 60’s, and I love that the movie never tries to be more than this. It also has Tom Atkins, and this is the
most important reason why I included this film on this list. Tom Atkins is the man, hands down, the greatest living American male horror icon. The epitome of blue-collar masculinity, MBV3D
is the only slasher movie to include the legend this century. He is incredibly goofy and fun to watch…he carries around a fricken shotgun and works for the police. This is the perfect goober-fest of a movie.
This movie is more of a precursor to Cabin in the Woods
than it is a successor to Scream
, but its meta style is too hard to ignore in this kind of conversation. Tucker (Steve the Pirate aka Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) are trying to just have a nice vacation in the woods. They are harassed by some preppy college kids and inadvertently Tucker and Dale start killing the college kids one accident after another. Tudyk and Labine are unbelievably watchable as the titular characters and the deaths become increasingly more violent and hysterical as the movie progresses. The best part is that Tucker and Dale, as they find the bodies, think someone is after them
. This film allows you to imagine a scenario where Jason Voorhees was just having people run into his machete and not the other way around. This is on Netflix Instant View and if you haven’t seen it yet, grab a six-pack and a friend (real or imaginary) pop it on.
I debated for longer than I care to admit about whether or not to include this or Adam Green’s Hatchet
. While I think these are equal entries in the “slasher” genre, Hatchet
simply doesn’t have the opening scene that the Friday the 13th
remake has or Aaron Yoo (and the Hatchet
series only gets Danielle Harris for the sequels). A group of teen/20-somethings find themselves on the old grounds for Camp Crystal Lake. They’re there for a weekend of camping and pot smoking. What they find is that camp is still very much in session for Jason Voorhees (played with Kane Hodder like enthusiasm by Derek Mears). Jason is fast and strong in this movie, which makes for some really fun kills. Some time later, a different group of teens show up to visit their buddy’s cabin. Jared Padalecki is running around looking for his sister who was with the first group that Jason attacked. More plot stuff happens but it’s not super worth mentioning because where this film excels is in its third act. The kills are quick, and tight with some amazing secondary character moments. I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority when it comes to those who enjoyed this, but give it a second chance. There are some really great things happening and director Marcus Nispel almost makes us forget his terrible Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This one comes the closest to cheating, as it’s neither an outright “slasher” film nor horror film. It’s more of a traditional psychological thriller. I include it here because of the way the deaths play out, the quality of the performances, and the reveal of the whodunit. This movie has John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Ray Liotta, John Hawkes, Alfred Molina, Clea DuVall, Jake Busey, and
John C. McGinley. Total powerhouse cast and everyone is at their O.T.T. best. The movie takes place on a rainy night where a group of strangers get stranded at a motel. Through cut scenes we are made to believe that what we are seeing happened in the past and that the killer was eventually caught. When we see the man responsible we are surprised to that he is not someone we have seen at the motel. Throughout the rainy night at the motel we find out strange things about the characters, such as the fact that they all share the same birthday and are named after states. The kills are pretty scary, and the reveals near the end of what is really going on make this one of my favorite movies on this list. It’s also on Netflix Instant View, so check it out.
France has put out a large number of high quality horror films in the 21st
Century and the trend essentially started with this bloody thrill ride. Marie and Alexia are taking a quiet vacation when a Gandolfini-breathing killer invades their home. Clocking in at a quick 91 minutes, Alexandre Aja’s film doesn’t stay quiet for long. As the film progresses, Marie’s battle with the killer leaves the home and becomes a psychological battle for the ages. The reveal of the killer’s identity is shocking but believable, and it’s what keeps this movie from being some sort of senseless bloodbath. Aja would go on to direct The Hills Have Eyes
remake as well as the mega good time Piranha 3D
. Up next he’s working with Daniel Radcliffe on Joe Hill’s Horns
(which I am super pumped about).
What do you do in a post-Scream
world where everyone is looking for a new and hip killer to off some teens? Let death
be the killer. Slack-mouthed teen-throb Devon Sawa and his classmates are heading to Paris for a school trip, and before the plane takes off he sees the terrible crash that’s about to happen. He obviously freaks out and a few of the more attractive classmates on the plane follow him off. The crash happens and then one by one death hunts down the people Sawa got off the plane with him. Ali Larter is the true star of this movie, as the quiet love interest for Sawa. She easily steals any scene she’s in (which isn’t too hard considering the “actors” she shares time with). We get the privilege of watching Stifler, I mean Seann William Scott on the losing end of the most brutal kill of the movie. There is also an excellent Tony Todd cameo. The wildly imaginative deaths are what make this movie work so well. The tension that builds with each kill is inarguable. Final Destination 2
is worth a viewing for some great kills and more Ali Larter. Final Destination 3
as well as The Final Destination
are both garbage. However Final Destination 5
is a wonderful nugget hidden in what the movie studio thought was trash. It also has a terrific ending that will make fans of the series really happy despite the terrible acting.
is the Scream
of the 2010’s. The kids are more caffeinated, the kills are more gruesome, and the editing is so frenzied, it’s often difficult to figure out what’s entirely happening. Joesph Kahn (of Torque
infamy) directs Josh Hutcherson and his classmates as a killer known as Cinderhella starts to kill of the student body. Kahn shows us strings similar to the ones Williamson showed us 15 years previously, but the generation being represented couldn’t feel more different. Texting, the Internet, social media, all our 21st
century amenities influence and reshape Scream
into the hyper-caffeinated film that is Detention
. These influences manifest themselves in such oddities as the inclusion of time travel and Dane Cook.
There really is nothing like this movie out there and I couldn’t recommend it enough. It’s an interesting experiment that doesn’t entirely work, and Josh Hutcherson’s neon-infused performance will easily make you forget how terrible The Hunger Games
These are just some of the strong “slasher” films to come out in the post-Scream era. For the most part, the “slasher” disappeared as the early 2000’s brought on two very different kinds of horror films. We got a slew of bland PG-13 “psychological” horror Japanese remakes, as well as a ton of bland hyper violent torture films/remakes. But if the above films have taught us anything, it’s that the “slasher” can still be a place for fun and experimentation. We will always enjoy seeing over-sexed, over-privileged, teenagers getting butchered if it means we get an interesting killer.
What are some of your
favorite “slasher” films? Do they follow the Scream
formula? Did I just make a total ass of myself? Please comment below and join the conversation. I’m always dying to get new horror recommendations, and I’d love to know what you are watching. Find me on Twitter @RIPGRIMEY
, read some of my plays and stories on www.tegrimes.com
, and go support La Petite Morgue and live horror here in New York.
5 Things To Watch on Netflix This Valentine’s Day!
Whether you’re single and bitter or coupled up and obnoxiously happy, I think we can all agree that Valentine’s Day is kinda lame. Don’t get me wrong, finding someone who tolerates and even loves your quirks and neuroses is rare and should be celebrated. But this celebration should occur organically, when the mood strikes- not when commercials and pop-up ads are forcing flowers and candy down our throats. That being said, I do love me some conversation hearts.
Like Kellie mentioned in her earlier post, she and I share a tradition of watching horror movies on Valentine’s Day. This fun tradition started on a snowy Valentine’s Day back in Binghamton, when we were both single, bitter and the recipients of two oversized stuffed crocodiles gifted to us by a non-single friend (an attempt to make us feel better about being alone, and instead caused us to feel more alone). Watching young, attractive, often annoying young people getting hacked up on the screen can certainly make a grumpy single feel better about their solo status, but it’s equally fun to cuddle up under a blanket with your sweetie and watch something that gets both of your hearts racing. Here are my picks for what to watch tonight- these movies and shows can all be found on Netflix Instant!
MY BLOODY VALENTINE
While the 3-D remake was cheesy fun, it can’t touch the original in terms of thrills and chills. There’s so much that I love about this movie, but I think what I love the most is the incredibly effective, claustrophobic setting of the mines. This is the PERFECT movie to watch tonight as it takes place on Valentine’s Day and much of the story revolves around a love triangle between a young woman, her mysterious ex and her new boyfriend. DRAMA! This movie has some seriously awesome kills and don’t dare turn it off before the credits, because it contains one of THE most awesome songs in 80’s slasher history.
LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
This moody, atmospheric movie is just as much about coming of age and innocence lost as it is about vampires. I absolutely love this movie. Great to watch with a date, especially if they’re sick of the whole sparkly vampire thing- this movie is the Anti-Twilight!
SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE
Great movie to watch with your single girlfriends. Written by Rita Mae Brown and directed by Amy Holden Jones—so this is a perfect pick for celebrating Galentine’s Day AND Women In Horror Month! Awesomely 80’s and SO MUCH DAMN FUN.
I’m absolutely obsessed with the Investigative Discovery (ID) Network, which my mom and I affectionally call “The Murder Channel”. We are hooked- and with quality programs like “Wives With Knives” and “Evil Twins”, how could we not be? “Wicked Attractions” tells the true stories of killer couples- making it the perfect show to stream this Valentine’s Day.
I’m as tired of the found-footage craze as the next person, but I have to say this new take on the over-used technique really worked for me. I’d suggest watching this one with friends or a date because I watched it alone and felt really sad that I had no one to endlessly discuss it with when it was over. I don’t want to say anything about this movie because it’s better not to know anything going into it. I’ll just say that if you have patience for low-budget filmmaking and want to see something creative that has some genuine scares, V/H/S is a great choice. There are also a lot of boobs in this movie, if you like that sort of thing. I know I do!
Happy Valentine’s Day, boys and ghouls!